I jinxed myself. Those mellow days with Abbie were short lived and today we endured a full blown battle of the wills.
I need parenting classes. I'm not kidding either. My children are so different, and what worked with Caden is not working with Abbie. I'm running out of ideas, energy and patience. Everyone keeps telling me it is the age, but I'm not so sure it is. I am beginning to think it is just her hard personality and my lack of experience.
Today I feel defeated. It is bedtime and I haven't even showered or gotten dressed for the day. Pathetic, huh? I spent a good hour and half attempting to work through a temper tantrum (yes, sometimes they last that long). I am trying really hard not to give into her demands, to be consistent, stand my ground and yet show her the patience and love she deserves. Today, I barely survived her and she barely survived me. There are times when she looks me straight in the eye and smiles as she does something naughty. She knows what she is doing and I'm afraid she might enjoy it a little bit.
She's finally in bed for the night and I just want crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, cry and pray that she grows out of this.
I've done my research and read my fair share of parenting books. I've tried all sorts of things but nothing seems to work long term. How do I deal with the extreme temper tantrums and her desire to get into trouble? Somebody please point me in the right direction or at the very least let me know that I am not the only one dealing with this sort of personality.
Will my sweet little Abbie always have this alter ego?
11 comments:
Oh Tara, you are not alone. I am dealing with a fun case of the terrible toes in my house with baby Joey. We have finally gotten to the point that if he is throwing such a severe temper tantrum (his have been happening at the dinner table), we remove him, and sit him in a chair in another room and let him have it out. If he gets up, we put him back. Its hard. Stressful and enough to make you crazy.. but don't give in. ::Hugs:: You are not alone. They will outgrow it and we will look back on it and try to figure out how we survived it.
Hang in there!!
I feel ya! Ty is my most stubborn one yet so charming! He'll argue until he can't anymore. Don't give up. As crazy hard as it is..... trust me..... it sucks, it will pay off! Prayers help me. I don't have any advice so when you get the good stuff please let me know! I love you and I think you really are a great mom! xoxoxo
Is it wrong that I am so happy to hear I'm not alone? She sounds exactly like Elle. I have no advice but I imagine we will all survive it. Most days I feel like I am parenting in 2 different universes. For what it's worth, we turned around the locks on elle's door. When she is out of control she gets locked in and ignored for however long it takes. no threat, bribe, time out, cold shower, spanking, etc, seemed to help. So at least this way I don't have to yell and lose my cool. Just "bye bye" until she gets it together. Which, honestly, was SEVERAL hours when she was 3 and 4.
Ok, so my 2nd child is by far my most strong-willed, difficult to discipline child. Not that she doesn't follow the rules, but my oldest and youngest are people pleasers and she's more of an independent girl. Certain consequences don't phase her one bit. I truly love most of her qualities, but I've always been extra sensitive to the fact that she's a middle child, so I've tried to overcompensate for that fact. She just turned 6 and although we are by no means through the hard moments, they are fewer and fewer. She is a truly sensitive soul and I know she is learning what we teach her, but she learns differently, so I've been trying to reach out to her differently. I could write a novel to you about the screw-ups I've made and those horrible mommy moments, but believe me, while I feel like I'm not reaching her, deep down I'm getting through. We too knock heads, and I think it's because I see those qualities of mine that I so dislike (my stubborn side, needing the last word, etc) are so prevalent in her. The bottom line for me is that I make a point,no matter how angry she and I get at one another, or how badly I screw up a situation, I let her know that I'm very sorry (if it's warranted) and tell her that I am doing my best to keep her safe and to teach her to be the best person she can be. I remind her that God chose us to be a family and He trusted me with her and that I take my job of raising her very seriously. I also make sure we kiss and make-up (literally) so that she knows no matter what she does (or how poorly I act about it) that I love her no matter what. I sure hope that knowing you aren't alone in this Mommy adventure helps. :) Love ya, Julie
I am right there with you!!! Ethan is going to be the end of me!! The thing that always pops into my mind (and I can't lie...I sometimes question it) is that we aren't given more than we can handle (and the other one I really like is "this too shall pass"). I think my terms of "more" are different than someone elses, but still. I am willing to trade our youngest whenever works with you...just let me know where to meet you!! ;)!! I am just grateful Ethan is so cute or else.... Good luck!!! Not giving in is the HARDEST thing I think I have ever had to do.
Scarletts other side is so bad we named it! I wish I had advice, uhh if it makes you feel better sometimes by the end of the day I want to slam my head into the wall. You're not alone!
LOVE my friend Katie in Heber--she teaches Love and Logic (love teh class and what it can do to talk with other parents vs the book and reading it alone). She teaches a preschool and classes . . . maybe she could give you a consultation or advice. It is hard--we have those days too.
Last week after I got everyone showered and ready to head out, I sent the girls to the car to get in and buckled. When I came out to the car Stella was coming in the house, laughing and soaking wet. I was furious--they had both decided to run through the sprinklers with their dresses on. Stella was dripping, she had actually layed down on the grass in the sprinklers. New clothes, redo hair . . .and in the end I wish I would have handled it better because really the girls just wanted some fun and I got too mad.
Some days they just take it out of you! Bring her here if you are about to loose it or need a break.
I never comment on here, because honestly, I don't even know you!! But I do have words of wisdom for you. My oldest is 6 and a redhead. Everything they say about redheads is true!! She gave me trouble from 13 months, full out screaming/throwing/hitting tantrums. Seriously, I thought she was bipolar or something! We did the forever long timeouts and all that and I am happy to say that it worked. She is now a normal girl and only freaks out every once in awhile. But man, we had a rough 3sh years or so. I had to let go of a lot, do some ignoring and let her fail. I would tell her what needed to be done once, if she didn't do it, too bad for her. She missed out on something or had to go to her room or something. Getting ready for school was awful! But I found the more I harped on her, the worse she got. I gave her special jobs just for her. Made her feel like a helper. We started doing more one on one stuff, stuff she wanted to do. It helped. Your methods will work! They just take longer to work. My son is so easy going and listens and doesn't flip out. My 2 year old is another Hailey. It's been easier this time around. You can do it!!! You can do it!!!
This is out there, but in the past week I have had 2 different parents talk about their child's mood swings and it ended up being diabetes and when their sugar levels were low. Just to rule it out, I'd have her levels checked at the Doc's the next time you are in. They commented that it was just over the top.
My only advice is to pray for inspiration. It has helped me with some of my kids.
Put her in a safe place and let her throw her tantrum! Ingore her,then lock yourself in the bathroom until she is done! Don't you love parenting! Goodluck!
I have tried to get Katie to teach the love and logic classes at my house ... We need at lesst 5 couples ... Maybe in October. There are some really good things in love and logic.
Two other thoughts ... You don't want to be in a position where you are always reacting to her actions. It will were you out. (it is wearing you out)!
Oh no ... Now I can't remember my last thought ...
I might have to get back to you ... It's late and I honestly can't remember what else i was going to say:)
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