Just Breathe

I haven't wanted to post much lately because honestly I've been in a strange place mentally and emotionally. I promised myself (a few posts back) I was going to be real on my blog and share the good, bad and the ugly. Well, I've been ugly. You know that expression, "when it rains, it pours"? Well, it is SO true. Have you ever been at a point in your life when there were multiple major events happening at the same time, mostly negative and you just can't seem to catch a break? I'm there. I'm trying really hard to remember all of the things I have been learning and feeling these last few months and if I stop moving for just a few minutes I can still feel that peace and optimism. But it's sure hard do when you're riding an emotional roller coaster and you never have a chance to get off.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have plenty of things to be grateful for and I recognize how good my life still is. I just wish I could get rid of one major stress before another one finds me. My plate is pretty full...

I cried today, a lot. I was a blubbering mess with swollen eyes and black mascara stained on my cheeks. I tried to put myself back to bed this afternoon, but my mom gave me a stern and yet somehow gentle reminder that it could be worse and told me to get out of bed. Tough love is sometimes what I need.

I started thinking about the way I see things.

-Is everything really as bad as it feels?

-Would I feel differently if it was one trial at a time?

-Would I learn as much if it was easier?

-Would I be relying on my Savior every minute of the day if it didn't hurt?

-Could these "trials" in my life really turn out to be blessings and if so, why can't I see that now?

As much as it hurts right now, I do know that all things we will go through in this life are for our own experience and growth. We just need to stop...take a deep breath...and try to look at it from a different perspective. Just because something didn't work out the way I had planned or wanted, doesn't mean it didn't work out at all. Sometimes the unforeseen twists or alternative endings, create the better stories. At least that is what I am going to keep telling myself.

(I haven't seen "K" in three weeks since I have been out of town. Does it sound pathetic that I have missed our time together? She makes me feel less crazy. I'm teasing...kind of.)

(My posts are not meant to be a "pity party" for Tara. I hope they don't come across that way. Writing is therapeutic and helps me sort through my emotions and if my posts rub you the wrong way, don't read them, teasing again...kind of).