Confession

I think I may be outgrowing my blog. I'm not sure yet.

I've always said my blog was going to be just for me and if people wanted to peek in on my life from time to time than I was happy to have visitors. I'm an emotional person and I love to talk about my emotions. There's something about putting it all out there that is therapeutic for me. Plus, I have learned that by saying things out loud it helps me process, organize and validate the emotions that I use to keep bottled up inside and which would eventually come spilling out making a huge mess in my life. My blog was my place to say whatever the heck I wanted. Even if nobody was on the other end reading, it didn't matter because my blog was for me.

I think I have stayed pretty true to that goal. I never wanted to paint the "perfect picture" because my life is far from perfect and I don't mind sharing my flaws. I believe that when we drop the "act" and let others see us for who we really are, flaws and all, that is when we find those people that will be our biggest supporters in life and who we want to invest ourselves in.

Anyways, back to my point...I've really started to settle into this new life of mine in this quaint, cozy town in the mountains. My oldest started school and with that my life got a lot busier and less exciting at the same time. It's hard to get excited to blog about my daily cleaning routine, what books I am reading to my children and the one time I left my house that day which was to rent a Redbox. Who wants to read about that? Not me. But it is my life and I really love my life as simple and boring as it may be. Plus, my husband started this entrepreneurial career of his and as exciting as it sounds, it is actually very scary, uncertain and emotional for me. There are some things I just haven't felt comfortable sharing on my blog because I am worried about all the ways other people will misinterpret what I am saying or it will come across the wrong way.

Long story, short...ok, not short but as short as I can make it (remember I like to talk)... Somewhere along the way I have started to feel pressure to write and I started censoring what I wrote. I find myself trying to write for everyone else, but me. I swore I would never do this and I don't want to. So, I have stopped. I only write when I want to now and let's be honest....there is a serious lack of posting going on. I'm in a funk.

Part of me wants to delete my blog and "free" myself but the other part of me feels guilty for giving up on something I have enjoyed so much in the past. I print my blog at the end of each year and I have loved having these records of my life, hoping one day my children will read them and understand a little better who their mother was as a person. Then there's the OCD side of me who is worrying about how to keep things neat and tidy. If I commit to it now, how long am I committing to? Months? Years? See my dilemma? I'm a nut, I know.

So if you feel like giving up on me, that's ok. If you want to take me off your reader because it hardly ever updates anymore, I understand. But I'm not giving up on myself. Hopefully, I'll be back. Maybe not as often or with an exciting post of my latest travels (we hardly ever leave town), incredible parenting advice (I've got nothing) or photos of super cute crafts I've been working on (I prefer to purchase them), but with my thoughts, my feelings and my life.