I'm losing it. Last night, on the verge of tears, I told Scott I needed a "mommy time out". I needed a few minutes alone in my room where I could close my eyes, sit in silence and concentrate on catching my breath. Nothing is wrong, just a lot of not so great things happening all at once and I'm feeling overwhelmed and not in control which is really hard for me.
Abbie, my carefree and clumsy child, had another accident on Saturday which landed us in the hospital again for stitches. Nothing life threatening but definitely another scar on her face. The most stressful part of the whole ordeal was that it didn't even phase her. She cried for a minute or two and then happily accepted the fact that she needed stitches and we were heading to the hospital. After a quick trip to a Quick Care, we were sent to Primary Children's because with it being her face and so close to her eye, they typically put kids under before attempting to stitch. Luckily, we had great doctors who decided to use Derma bond instead to hopefully lessen the scarring and trauma. They did a great job and after a short while we were discharged.
Not even 24 hours later my fearless daughter was messing around on the couch and coffee table. After being scolded several times by her father, she begins to taunt him showing off her ability to jump back and forth. Before I knew it she had fallen again and by the time I could get to her (less than 5 seconds) she had a knot on her head the size of a golf ball (I promise I am not exaggerating). Scott and I panicked at how quickly and how huge the knot was and debated if she needed to be seen. Eyes dialating...check...breathing normal...check... conscious and making sense...check. No visible signs of a concussion so we keep her up for a few hours past her bedtime and by morning the bump is almost completely gone. Crises averted, for now.
She is fine, but Scott and I are not. As silly as this may sound, I live in fear daily. I can't protect my children as well as I would like to and Abbie scares me with her thoughtless actions and abundance of energy. How can I "tame" her without breaking her strong spirit? I feel like I can't let my guard down, even for a second, because I have to protect her from herself and it is exhausting mentally, physically and emotionally.
And then there's a few other little things that are just plain crappy (like getting a ticket from a jerky cop that honestly wasn't deserved and needing to get something fixed on your car which seems like a waste of money).
I shouldn't complain, my life is good.
We are healthy, blessed in so many ways and happy.
Sometimes a girl just needs to vent, cry or mope around for a bit to get it out of her system. I think it's all out now.
Thanks for listening (reading).
PS - I have a REALLY good chocolate chip oatmeal cookie recipe that pretty much takes all your pains away. I made some last night and I am willing to share.
5 comments:
I love that cookies (or a bit of chocolate) can help! I hope that things get better and this is just a little phase for Abbie.
We went camping last weekend and there is nothing like camping to make you realize that it is a miracle that your children are still alive at all. So sorry about your tought week. Vent away sister!
I love you Tara. I think you are such a great mom. Abbie is lucky to have someone as concerned as you. She'll be just fine. At least she's not running into a horse corral like she the mini horse whisperer. Or a pasture full of steers just to get close to tough to touch their horns. God built kids tough to endure pain way better than adults can. You're a trooper! Keep your head up. love ya xoxo
Totally understand Tara! Just posted a "candid" post on my blog too about life with a newborn. She's absolutely perfect, life's just stinkin' hard right now. You look absolutely beautiful and hope you guys are doing well. Would love to see you guys if you're in Vegas. Take care!
I love your honesty...sometimes us girls just need a good cry :) You make me feel normal!
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